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Sensual Dominance 101

My journey to Dominance was driven by femmes of color, especially Black femmes. Their desires and needs moved me from being just a top in the bedroom, to being a DOM (more on the difference here).


As they called my Dominance forth I panicked. All that I knew about BDSM and Kink was that it was white, violent and filled with potential trauma traps for Black queer, trans & GNC bodies. I took a year off from poly dating. Studied, meditated, and released a lot of judgement of myself so that I could discover my desire to show up in love and support of others through Dominance.


What emerged was a space of Dominance that came naturally to me. One that centers pleasure, joy, and my love of Black women. Over time I came to understand the importance in creating room for ALL FORMS of kink for Black folks. I'm excited to share my journey and the lessons from it with you.


Kink is increasingly becoming part of many people's intimate lives. In fact, half the population is interested in kink...but there are still so few places dedicated to Black bodies in this work.

Sure?

Kink is an umbrella term used to describe a wide range of sexual activities that are considered to be unconventional or unorthodox.


While Kink encompasses many alternative sexual interests, preferences or fantasies it is also deeply rooted in pleasure. Often, Kinky things may ordinarily not give pleasure, but in the context of kink, they do. For example: someone who traditionally does not enjoy relinquishing power in their day to day life may enjoy it in a Kinky setting.

BDSM is a four-letter acronym that stands for six different things: Bondage, Discipline, Dominance, Submission, Sadism, and Masochism. It is often one of the first things that springs to mind when someone hears the word kink, but kink also includes: fantasy and role-playing, sensuality, fetishes, rigging, voyeurism or exhibitionism, group sex and for some kink does not include sex at all.

So what exactly is Sensual Dominance?

Sensual Dominance is a rare expression of kink. For any Dom, creating a space of trust requires tremendous responsibility. This goes far beyond safe words, which are very important. Educating yourself is one of the ways you demonstrate your devotion to your Submissive, as well as your integrity and care for their well-being and growth.


The cornerstone of Sensual Dominance is pleasure rooted in the 5 senses (Sight, Sound, Smell, Taste, and Touch) combined with a deep commitment to your submissive's personal growth (demonstrated via encouragement, rewards, mentorship, discipline and correction).

Sensual Dominance is a type of domination that either focuses on sensation and pleasure/reward over pain and punishment, or it involves no pain/punishment at all. When pain is applied, it is targeted and timed to actually heighten pleasure and sensation. One exerts control over their submissive through pleasure and the denial of it to drive their growth. While for some, like myself, Sensual Dominance is my primary approach to BDSM, it can also be used as an intro to the lifestyle or as an interlude between extreme sessions to provide respite.


Although a Sensual Dom does not utilize many of the traditional domination methods, they still aim to bring their submissive subspace. Sensual Dominance is about exuding calm, confidence not domineering aggression, intimidation or control. To understand and meet a submissive's needs...you must listen well, read body language, understand personalities (I recommend a basic understanding of astrology). You must act boldly, suggestively while speaking slowly & calmly with direct and piercing eye contact. This is how you learn her, seduce her. So that you can build a world around her desire.


*It's important to note that because the transition from pain is faster than pleasure (where the body tends to want to linger), Sensual Dominance often results in a longer period of subspace (more on that later).

Sure?

 

In some ways it's more difficult because you must captivate someone’s mind and soul without relying on the more extreme forms of Dominance. Domination/submission (or D/s as it is often referred to) is one of the most common sexual fantasies. The release of control allows for an exploration of the submissive's deepest desires. Desires that may present as socially unacceptable. It also heightens the eroticism of the public/private sphere. As a Sensual Dom you combine the adoration of a gentleman in public with the raw primal desire for submission in private.


With a focus on pleasure, Sensual Dominance holds a unique space for Black women to be honored, loved and pleased. Unlike stereotypical forms of BDSM that emphasize punishment, humiliation and discipline - Sensual Dominance allows submissives to relinquish the relentless and often self sacrificing responsibility that Black women hold in our communities, families and relationships.

Sure?



Understanding your kinks is an important piece of developing your practice as a Dom. There are many tests across the internet but this is my favorite. *Note that a vanilla streak in an otherwise very kinky test result is usually an indication of a Sensual orientation to your Dominance (it tends to highlight that you are a romantic). Remember that most of these test were created in the context of the white kink scene. That said, part of my goal with this site and blog is to root our desires in practices and frameworks that feel authentic, healthy and full of Black joy.

Sure?


Here's mine for the curious!

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